47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
