the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
