I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Randomize
