small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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