Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
