I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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