help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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