i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
