I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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