I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
