you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
