The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
