I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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