You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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