I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
