You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
