when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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