This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
