The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
