I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
