Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
im six kinds of drunk right now
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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