i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
