so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
