dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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