i will never coherently bang her
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
