That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
our cab driver is having phone sex.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
