It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
In America we eat man semen.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
