He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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