I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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