my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
