Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Randomize
