i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
