Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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