My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
