You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
