I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
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