i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
