How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
