The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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