Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I am available for nakedness
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
