So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize