What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
