I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
