shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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