It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize
