I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
