I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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