What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
