peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
