Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
