i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize