Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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