i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
