I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Randomize
