It's just like the Real World with babies
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize