I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
