I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
