Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize