She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
