Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
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