My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
