if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
