He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
