a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
