you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize