We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
