Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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