I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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