why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
