Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
